My Either-Or Moment

Di Lemon’s personal account of her  “Either-or-Moment”

Transcript of recording:

“I was ready to end it all. My husband had just died. I’d always told him: “If you die first, I’ll have to kill myself!”  Now he was dead and here I was, outside, literally on the ground  with uncontrollable rage about having no money at all, once again!  No money! That’s where I was. No food, no vehicle, not a soul to turn to, sick, and homeless!  I didn’t know what to do!  Then some kind of massive, invisible Force seemed to be zooming right AT me! Unstoppable! It was POINTING at me and  RIPPED right THROUGH my chest and out my back!

I got myself up, OVERPOWERED with the message: “Money’s NOT the important thing! …GET THAT!”..

I stood really still, aware that I felt … Light.  I was thinking: “I feel a little better.” I said out loud, to the air:  “Well, I guess you didn’t bring me this far to dump me now!” And suddenly I was mad again, ANGRY!  Because this was FAITH!  ‘Where did this FAITH come from?!!  I don’t have any WORTHLESS  FAITH!!!’  And now I was back on the ground, weeping, sobbing in humility:  ‘God, it’s a Gift, isn’t it? Faith. It’s not something I do.  I don’t have to HAVE it. It’s a Gift of the Holy Spirit.’

Do you know what Tears of RELIEF are like?  They don’t stop!!! Not even today when I remember it.

After awhile,  Peace crept in … and I stood back up, calm now. I remember I wiggled my fingers, and wiggled my toes.  And over the tiniest ember of hope, I breathed softly: ‘Well, my hands work, my feet work.  I guess I’m gonna be OK!’  Now a crazy little laugh started gurgling up from inside and poured out all over the place!  Laughing  like a hyena!

Amazed, I thought: ‘Hey, I just laughed!’

In that moment, I knew I’d be going  on in life.”


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May Deep Peace enfold you!




My Either-Or Moment — 10 Comments

  1. Oh Di. You beautiful, wonderful amazing woman. Thank you God for giving you to me, sharing YOU with me. I am so grateful.
    I am gojng to email my either or moment and you can decide what to do with it.
    Thank you for sharing your pain and despair so succinctly that I felt it listening to your voice, allowing it to speak to me and help me.
    You are a gift and a blessing my beautiful sister. I love you, I feel you. I am so grateful for you x

    • Thank you, Vivi. I am honored that you have found help in our interaction, and grateful that you can trust yourself to reach out and recognize the truth within your core. Sending you many blessings!

  2. Oh my goodness Di this is so beautiful. You are such an amazing spirit, such an inspiration to me, I am so grateful to call you a friend. I love you so much and thank you for sharing your gifts with the world! Big Hugs xoxo

    • Blake…I’m so grateful to call you a friend! Your inspiration is incredible! Thank you for viewing the grief path pages and giving such positive feedback! We’ll stay in touch!
      Gigantic Hugs! xoxoxo

  3. Beautiful! I was truly moved. I was reminded of my own point of decision when I was poised between life and death. You should write a book, my dear, you are truly gifted.

  4. As I drove down the road deciding whether to smash straight into a tree, I had two thoughts – what about my kids? I can’t give them this grief it will devastate them. And then I thought – damn it, I’ll only have to come back and face this all over again. I am NOT doing that. If there’s anything out there, please please HELP ME to get through this grief and pain!

    • Wow, Ali, thank you for sharing that with us! I’m so glad you made the decision to live! So glad!My heart thanks you!

  5. You are one amazing woman Di Lemon! “Resilient” only just begins to describe you. The resilient face of God! I love this face of God!

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